


Two Reasons

by kirani



Series: Gansey Week 2019 [4]
Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, College, F/M, Future Fic, Getting Back Together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-15
Updated: 2019-08-15
Packaged: 2020-08-13 00:41:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20165308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kirani/pseuds/kirani
Summary: There are two reasons a non-seer would see a spirit on St. Mark's Eve. Either he's her true love or she killed him. Blue tells Gansey it was only the second one.~Written forGansey WeekDay 4: Memories/Dreams/Finally together





	Two Reasons

**Author's Note:**

> Did I take a canon, heartbreaking slow burn and make it longer and more heartbreaking? Yes, I did.  
Thank you to illusionsofmyself for the beta read!

Gansey had tried to hold her hand, that was all. He hadn’t been doing anything new, but Blue had been on edge since he had come back from his second death, and now she had pulled away. 

“Gansey,” she spoke softly, eyes softening from the panicked gaze she had a moment before. “Can I talk to you?”

He nodded numbly. 

“There are two reasons a non-seer would see a spirit on St. Mark’s Eve.”

“You’re his true love,” he whispered. 

“There’s another. I killed him.”

“You’re special like that, Jane.” 

She shook her head. “I don’t think it can be both.”

“But your curse,” he stammered. “If you kiss your true love he will die! How much clearer can it be?”

Blue shook her head again, tears slipping from her eyes. “I’m sorry, Gansey.” 

Gansey stared at her. She didn’t say anything else but stood and left Monmouth without another word. 

He didn’t understand, but he was determined to respect her decision. If she didn’t love him, there was nothing he could do about it, and chasing her against her wishes was just plain ungentlemanly. 

Still, he was crushed. Blue didn’t seem to be doing any better, but when he had offered to help she had told him he couldn’t. 

The next year passed in a blur. They found a new equilibrium in their travels with Henry, building their friendship back up. Gansey firmly stomped down any emotions that threatened to bubble up around her and tried not to read into the sad looks he caught from her sometimes. 

They came back to Henrietta and saw Adam and Ronan again, and Gansey’s heart did its best to beat out of his chest. Seeing his best friends happy and in love was everything he wanted… except for one thing. He wanted it, too. And despite his best efforts, he still wanted it with Blue. She caught his eye over pizza that night and he did his best to smile but he couldn’t push his face into the right contortion. 

“Gansey-boy, tell her how you feel,” Henry begged that night. They were bunking in a spare room at the Barns together. “You’re both miserable.”

“She said—“

“I know what she said. But it’s been a year. Neither of you has done anything but stare at each other sadly when they think the other can’t see.” 

“I have to respect her choice, Henry,” he said firmly, turning over on the cot and pretending to sleep. Only when he was sure Henry had fallen asleep did he let the tears fall. 

He went to college. He’d given up on the idea of college, but in his gap year he’d taken the time to apply. He could go now. He had lived. Leaving was bittersweet. He and Adam were driving up to Massachusetts together, and hugging Blue goodbye was possibly the hardest thing he’d ever done. 

Beside them, Adam and Ronan embraced and spoke quietly to each other, saying goodbye for several months as Adam dove into his sophomore year with sweet kisses and whispered promises. Gansey hugged Blue and wished he could do the same. 

Adam had said nothing when they got in the car and Gansey has wiped away a few stray tears. After a while, he spoke. “It gets easier. Saying goodbye.”

“I didn’t get to, though. Not really.”

Adam nodded and merged onto the highway. 

They talked to each other less as they both lost themselves in their classwork. They were only a couple of hours drive away from each other, but Gansey never could bring himself to suggest a visit. She wasn’t his girlfriend, even if he loved her and thought he always would. And to suggest it felt awkward somehow. 

One day in October, she called him. 

“Blue?” Calling her Jane hadn’t felt right in a while and he had gradually let it slip from his vernacular. 

“I have a date,” she announced without preamble.

“Oh,” he said. “Cool.”

“Cool?” She barked a laugh. “Who are you and what have you done with Richard Gansey?”

Gansey pushed out a forced laugh in answer. “I’m happy for you, Jane. You deserve to be happy. Tell me about them?” 

“You’re really okay with this?” She asked instead. 

“It’s been nearly two years, Blue.” He hoped it would be enough. If she asked him if he still loved her, he would crack. If she asked him if he was dating, he would crack. Best to keep it open and vague. 

“Okay.” 

She didn’t end up telling Gansey about her date but he heard later through Adam that it had fizzled out after a couple of dates. 

“That’s too bad,” he said. “She deserves someone amazing.”

“Gansey. You’ve been in love with her since you were seventeen. How can you be so nonchalant about this?”

Gansey shook his head sadly. “If I let myself hope it hurts too much. I just can’t, Adam.” 

“Oh, Gansey,” Adam said sadly over the phone line. “I wish I could give you a hug right now.”

“Thanks. I’m okay.”

“I don’t believe you, but alright.” 

They were friends. They were. But he spoke to her less with every passing year. By senior year, most of their conversations were in the group chat. They didn’t hang out without one of the other boys on break. She didn’t ask him to and he couldn’t bring himself to. So he let her slip away. 

Until one day during their senior year. It was the first nice day of spring and he was messing around on the quad, tossing a frisbee with his friends and trying not to think about graduation. 

“You look like they copy-pasted you from the damn catalog!” A voice rang out. A voice he knew very well and missed every day. 

The frisbee hit him in the side of the head. 

“Ow,” he rubbed the side of his head and waved his friend’s apologies off, jogging over to where Blue Sargent stood in all her glory. She had on a strategically shredded dress and her trademark boots. There was no way they were the same boots she had worn in high school, but she wouldn’t have been complete without them. 

“Jane,” he grinned, hope swelling in his chest. She was  _ here  _ and she was teasing him and she was  _ here _ . 

“Hi. Can I talk to you?” 

“Is something the matter?”

She shook her head and he let her lead him away from the quad. When she sat on a bench away from the other students, he sat beside her, carefully not sitting too close. 

“What’s going on?”

“I’m scared.” 

“What?” Horrible thoughts began to run through his mind, she was in trouble in some way, something was wrong with her mother or —“

“Gansey,” she interrupted his spiraling thoughts. “I’m scared because I need to tell you something and… I don’t know how you’re going to take it.”

“You can tell me anything, Blue.” He meant it, even if she was scaring him, too. 

“I lied to you. And I’m sorry.” 

Gansey furrowed his brow. 

“I was so scared. Afraid I would kill you again. That I would always be too afraid to kiss you. That it would drive us apart. So I lied to you. And it’s destroyed me every day for the last five years.”

Gansey stared at her. Was she saying what he thought she was saying?

“Please say something.”

“Jane,” he breathed. “I love you. I always have. And even if you’re never ready to kiss me, I want to keep loving you the rest of my life. However you’ll have me.” 

By the end of his little speech, Blue was crying. “I love you, too.” 

“I forgive you,” Gansey said with a sad smile. “And I’m glad you told me now.”

She smiled back at him through her tears. Gansey reached his hand up and gently wiped her cheeks. “Did you come all the way up here just to say that?” 

“I’d also like to kiss you.”

“Oh,” he said again, his eyes wide. “Are you sure?”

“I’m tired of being afraid.” Her eyes blazed with determination. 

Gansey leaned towards her and she met him in the middle. They paused when their noses touched, just breathing in each other’s air. 

“Are you scared?” she whispered. 

“A little,” he admitted. “Count of three?”

“How romantic,” Blue laughed, but then she began to count. “One, two, thr--”

Gansey closed the space between them as she said the last word, cutting her off. He didn’t die. In fact, he had never felt more alive. Blue melted into his arms, clutching at his sides, and Gansey had a moment to be embarrassed that he was probably sweaty from playing frisbee before she opened her mouth and his brain short-circuited. 

They finally came up for air and Blue gasped against his mouth. She opened her eyes and looked at him and then burst out laughing. 

“I can’t believe I was afraid of that for five years!” 

“Are you still afraid?” he asked softly, cupping her cheek. 

“No,” she said. “I’m just… happy.”

“I’m happy, too, Jane.”

She smiled and then kissed him again. 

**Author's Note:**

> i'm on tumblr at [blueseyforthesoul](https://blueseyforthesoul.tumblr.com/)


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